


Unconsciously Brilliant, Consciously Calm

by ncruuk



Series: Behind the Beret - being Bernie [4]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6932212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncruuk/pseuds/ncruuk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A surgeon's skill is best shown with scalpel in hand - it takes a lot to get a surgeon to put down that scalpel, their training and experience give them total focus and confidence to continue with that patient until the surgery's end.</p><p>But Bernie let go of the scalpel and ran.  And no one was surprised, not even Hanssen.</p><p>[Technically a standalone fic (when it was written), this will make much more sense if you have read "The White Flag is a Good Red" and "In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning" as each story is providing more insight into my 'headcanon' for the Bernie and Alex (in addition to that which is seen on the show)]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have neither medical nor military experience, but I have tried to craft something that 'reads plausibly' so as to create situations and circumstances to explore the characters we recognise from Holby City. By definition, they are therefore not mine :-)
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy....

“What we got Fletch?” asked Raf, seeing the tell-tale signs of an ED transfer appearing down the corridor, the AAU charge nurse walking alongside the bed.

 

“Unconscious Jane Doe…” Fletch leafed through the pages of the patient file, seeing if there was anything else particularly salient at this early stage.  “Seems to be a thump to the back of the head.”

 

“Over there…” instructed Raf, gesturing to the cubicle area on the far side of AAU, nodding at Serena as they moved past her.  “Thanks guys.” He indicated to the porters that he was happy with where they’d pushed the trolley to and started kicking on the brakes, ready to do the transfer of the ‘Jane Doe’ from the ED trolley to the AAU bed.  “Ready?” he asked a moment later, satisfied that everyone was in the right position.  “On three… one, two… three!”

 

Seconds later, the unconscious woman, intubated and still in neck brace and head immobiliser and with various leads now connected from the sticky patch sensors ED had put on her skin to the monitors mounted around the AAU bed she was lying in, the ED porters wheeled their trolley away.

 

“Is she really a Jane Doe?” asked Raf, taking in the lightly tanned bare legs that were still wearing the sports socks and trainers that suggested the lady was reasonably fit and athletic and had presumably been out for some sort of run or fitness session.

 

“Yup.  Some sort of RTC,” began Fletch, trying to remember what the ED had been able to piece together from the police and paramedics.  “Ended with a van losing control and heading straight for some little kids.  Good samaritan here did some sort of superhero dive and the van hit the tree not the kids…”  Fletch looked down at the slightly muddy but otherwise apparently impressively unscathed patient, aside from being unconscious, “...who are fine apparently.  But she’s out cold due to the…”

 

“Thump on the back of the head,” finished Serena, stepping up to the left side of the bed and, having read all of the file, such as it was, that ED had put together, passed it across to Raf to read.  “And no ID at all?” she asked, looking back at Fletch in amazement.

 

“There was a Twenty Pound note and a door key in her running shorts.  Apart from that, nothing.”

 

“Ok, so until we know who she is…” As Serena spoke, she looked from Fletch to Raf and finally down to the patient, and froze.

 

“Serena?” Concerned at her sudden silence, Raf looked up from the file to the AAU co-head.

 

“She’s not a Jane Doe…” said Serena quietly, going pale, “... _ we _ know who she is.”  At his boss’ softly spoken words, Raf closed the file and looked down at the patient.  It took him a moment to ‘see’ her, needing to look past the oxygen and the velcro straps of the neck brace, but the cheekbones, the eyebrows...the brown hair… he looked up at Serena.

 

“It’s her.  Ms...”

 

“I think so. You agree?” asked Serena, not wanting to vocalise her thought without knowing Raf shared her hunch.

 

“Aye…”  

 

“Fletch?” Although it had only been a couple of seconds since she’d stopped mid assessment, to Serena it felt like time had slowed and hours had gone by, and so consequently, there was an added tightness in her voice that Fletch was confused to hear.

 

“Yes Boss?”

 

“Get Ms Wolfe here now.”

 

“But…” He was going to explain that she was just about to go in theatre, with Mo Effanga, providing some assistance with a trauma patient they’d had to refer to Darwin when it became apparent that as serious as the patient’s leg trauma was, the newly discovered ventricle abnormality was even more serious and required immediate correction.

 

“I don’t care.  GET BERNIE NOW.”

 

“Problem Ms Campbell?”

 

“Yes Henrik.”  As much as Serena did not like Hanssen hovering around AAU when he had no particular reason to be there, his sudden appearance now was something of a blessing.

 

“What’s the case?” he asked, stepping precisely up to her side and indicating to Raf that he should pass him the file.

 

“It’s who, not what,” corrected Raf, as he passed the file over.

 

“Go on…”

 

“Henrik, this is Alex Dawson,” said Serena quietly, seeing Fletch’s eyes go wide as he recognised the name and made the connection, but also seeing no glimmer of recognition in Hanssen’s face.  “Ms Wolfe’s partner.”

 

“I see.”  Hanssen closed the file and handed it to Serena.  “Where is Ms Wolfe?”

 

“Just scrubbing in to assist Ms Effanga with a patient.”

 

“Explain?” Although he was looking at the unconscious Alex, silently absorbing what the various monitors were telling him, the question was very clearly directed at anyone of the three AAU staff stood around him.  Before Serena could work out what to say, Raf spoke up.

 

“34 year old male, presented in AAU with displaced ankle and vascular complications…” he took a breath to steady himself, finding Mr Hanssen’s now total focus on him somewhat unnerving.  “However in understanding the extent of the vascular damage, we determined that there was a congenital heart defect…”

 

“So Ms Effanga is addressing that issue whilst Ms Wolfe deals with the gentleman’s leg?” interrupted Hanssen, starting to understand.

 

“Something like that,” agreed Raf, not wishing to attempt to be pedantic if Mr Hanssen was happy to over-simplify.

 

“Do you understand the patient’s trauma history Mr Di Lucca?”

 

“Yes.  I treated him with Ms Wolfe, but the surgery complexity…” he trailed off, not quite sure how detailed an explanation was required.

 

“Quite.  Perhaps between us, we could substitute for the talented Ms Wolfe?”

 

“Now?  You mean…”  Raf ran his hand over his hair and looked at Serena, blowing his cheeks out when he saw her nod and smile.  “Absolutely.  What theatre Fletch?”

 

“Three F - I’ll come with you to bring Ms Wolfe back…”

 

“Fine.”  Serena smiled at Hanssen, feeling relieved that he’d volunteered to do the surgery, sensing that Bernie was not going to be entirely easy to handle once she heard what was happening.  “Thank you Henrik.”

 

“Of course.  Come along Mr Di Lucca, Mr Fletcher.”  And with a faint hint of a smile, the CEO left AAU, leaving Serena to contemplate the unconscious Alex unable, thanks to the sterling efforts of the ED, to really be able to  _ do  _ anything other than observation until their turn in the scanner came, so long as she remained otherwise stable.

 

“Come on Alex…” murmured Serena, straightening the blanket over Alex’s hips, one eye remaining firmly on the monitors that were showing that, aside from not being conscious, everything else was ‘normal’.  “Wake up for Bernie…”


	2. Chapter 2

“No! Wait!”  

 

Startled, Mo looked up from the operating table and looked around at the observation room, wanting to know who it was had shouted so loudly he’d been audible even without the speaker relay.

 

“Not now Fletch!”

 

“Yes, wait!”  He was still trying to catch his breath from the all out sprint he’d done in order to get to theatre before Bernie had made her first incision.

 

“What is it Fletch?” asked Bernie, her expression virtually hidden from him by the surgical mask and cap she wore but he could tell from her overall body language that she wasn’t particularly happy with the interruption but not yet mad.

 

“Ms Effanga, Mr Hanssen and Mr Di Lucca are scrubbing in, Ms Wolfe you’re needed in AAU.”

 

“What?” Mo looked passed her scalpel back to the theatre nurse and stepped away from the table so she could look properly at Fletch.  “What the hell is going on Fletch?”

 

“Ms Wolfe, you’re needed in AAU.  It’s an emergency.”  Fletch was looking at Bernie, trying to will her to just agree and step out.  Unfortunately, stubborn and determined didn’t really begin to describe Bernie’s mindset when about to start a surgery - it was the mindset that helped her save as many patients as she did, but it was also the mindset that wasn’t going to make it easy for Fletch to get her out.

 

“You’ll have to do better than that Fletch…” Bernie warned, already preparing to refocus on the surgery.

 

“Alex Dawson, ED’s just transferred her to AAU.”  Fletch hated what he was doing, how he was telling her what was happening to someone who was clearly very special to her in such a public way, but he understood her well enough now to understand she wasn’t going to move for anything less than the truth.  “She’s unconscious.”

 

“I…”  Bernie’s fingers went slack, the scalpel she’d been holding firmly in her right hand seconds earlier almost fell from her grasp, would have fallen on the patient if Mo hadn’t smartly reached across and plucked it from her fingers, passing it off to the theatre nurse holding the instrument tray.

 

“Go…” encouraged Mo, having no real idea who this Alex was, mainly because she was determined about staying ‘in the zone’ as far as doing this surgery was concerned - she’d corner Zosia the minute she was out of theatre for a gossip update.  Mo watched as the tall and usually fairly formidable surgeon numbly turned away from the operating table and walked stiffly, clearly dazed from the news she’d just been given, out of theatre.  “Fletch?”

 

“Yes?”  

 

“Look after her mate?”

 

“You bet.”

 

* * *

  


“Where is she?” called Bernie, barrelling into AAU, barely winded from her sprint through the hospital.  “Serena?”

 

“Here!” Serena turned away from Alex’s bed and motioned to Bernie who, without breaking stride, continued her sprint around the nurses’ station, dodged a trolley and two porters.

 

“Alex…” Coming to a dead stop by the side of the bed, Bernie immediately took in the little details that told her this wasn’t a nightmare or a mistake as she continued talking to Alex, “it’s Bern, I’m here…”  Those were the new, hideously bright blue and yellow trainers Alex had bought last month, insisting that bright colours were essential for her ‘civilian’ running gear… and they could only be worn with the matching coloured socks which had turned one of Bernie’s bras an interesting faded tennis ball yellow colour when they’d been caught up in the same load of washing.  “You’re going to be ok….” There was the faint, half inch long wiggly white scar down the outside edge of the right patella, a line that stayed the pale white of Alex’s untanned skin no matter how many miles she’d run under the Afghan sun… a scar that would have been longer and wider if Bernie hadn’t won the battle and sutured it while they waited for the shelling to stop and their transport to arrive.  “Whatever happens, we’re going to be ok…”  The hospital blanket hid the most of Alex’s shorts covered thighs and body from view, but the neck of the blue t-shirt had been cut open, enabling the straps of Alex’s black sports bra to be cut away so that the sticky monitoring sensors could be stuck on.  The clinician in Bernie was able to appraise the patient and give ED 9 out of 10 for their placement, but didn’t follow the leads to the monitors to read the vitals.  “I’m here Al…” As she gently threaded her shaking fingers through Alex’s slack ones, she leant forwards and brushed the few strands of damp and dusty hair away from her lover’s forehead, almost wanting to believe she was just asleep, but the neck brace, straps from the head immobiliser and intubation tube providing oxygen and preventing accidental choking made that impossible.  “What happened?”

 

“She saved a couple of children from being hit by a van apparently…” began Serena, feeling like she was intruding on an intimate moment despite the fact that she’d stood by the side of a patient as their loved one arrived thousands of times, but barely a handful of times for a colleague, a friend.  “Just waiting on scans...”

 

“How are the children?” asked Bernie, letting go of Alex’s hand for a moment, long enough to drop the rail on the side of the bed before gently gathering up her hand again.  In the space left at the side of the bed, she sat down, Alex’s hand held carefully in her lap as Bernie just watched her lover’s chest rise and fall, almost hypnotised by the quiet rhythm.

 

“Fine, not even scratches.”  Serena cleared her throat, the closed file clutched to her chest as, out of the corner of her eye she saw Fletch reappearing and, seeing Bernie, head towards them.  Fortunately, he also saw her hold out her hand, silently telling him to wait.  “Do you want to see her file?” asked Serena, not liking how impersonal she sounded but somewhat confused by the fact that she was even having to ask the question.  Of everything she might of expected, Bernie’s total focus on Alex to the exclusion of any apparent curiosity in her medical state was not what she’d have guessed, realising instead that she’d been braced for an explosion, a battle of wills which she would have had to win so that Bernie didn’t treat her lover.

 

“Why?”  Bernie’s question was asked quietly, surprising Serena with how calm and steady she sounded as she just continued to watch Alex, stroking the hand she held between her own as she sat perched on the side of the bed, her leg precisely next to Alex’s hip noticed Serena when she looked more closely - a reassuring touch for Alex but not pressuring her, or crowding her.

 

“To know what her status is?”

 

“Pulse is steady, breathing regular…” As Bernie spoke, Serena realised that as well as holding Alex’s hand, Bernie had been taking her pulse the ‘old fashioned’ way, “no obvious external injuries to facial structures, clavicles and so forth.” and the quiet focussed gaze tracking every little movement of rib cage, alert for any discrepancy in rhythm.  It took Serena a moment to work out that Bernie’s conclusions about external injuries had been formed in the seconds when she’d first arrived by Alex’s side, concluding with the tidying of an errant strand or two of hair.  “GCS of 5.”  And presumably a subtle pinch or tap somewhere on Alex’s hand or arm.  “Without scans, there’s nothing your file can tell me I don’t already know…” continued Bernie simply, smiling as her cheeks became damp from the unnoticed tears escaping from her eyes, “...I told you I paid attention…” Serena was confused, trying to work out what Bernie meant, only to realise she wasn’t talking to her, but to Alex, “...when you claimed I was being ‘weird’, I was paying attention…” Bernie swallowed thickly, her throat dry and her mouth feeling woolly, “I’m being a good girlfriend and not trying to be your surgeon, promise…” Serena watched, feeling like she was intruding but feeling like it would be ruder to abandon them, “I’m just going to stay here with you, out of Serena’s way, keeping you company until you’re ready to tell me off for being weird again…”  Bernie leaned forwards and carefully kissed Alex’s forehead, lingering for a moment as she was assaulted with the familiar scents and flavours of Alex’s shampoo mingling with the salts of her perspiration and general ‘Alex’-ness.  “But she’s a bit of a hoverer apparently…” continued Bernie, her voice taking on a conspiratorial quality, like she was sharing a big secret with Alex.

 

“Sorry…” Serena took it as the hint that it was and stepped up closer to the bed again, making it easier for Bernie to see her without having to twist around too much.  “I’ll leave you in peace - you know the drill,” she winced as she spoke, not liking how blunt she was sounding given everything that Bernie was going through.

 

“It’s fine… until you have the scans we wait… I’ll call if anything changes… I’m…”  Bernie looked from Serena back to Alex.

 

“Not going anywhere, I know,” agreed Serena, leaning across the bed and giving Bernie’s shoulder what she hoped was a reassuring squeeze, “wouldn’t expect to find you anywhere else.”

 

“Hanssen, Raf… I should thank them… Mo…” As clear and focussed as Bernie’s thoughts were about Alex and how she _would_ be ok, Bernie’s thoughts were jumbled and scattered about her work, the surgery she’d been about to start feeling a lifetime ago, before her heart stopped beating and began to pound, before her vision and thoughts tunnelled and became focussed and centred on Alex, only Alex.

 

“Consider it done.”  Serena stood up straight again, absently noticing how damp her fingers felt as she let go of Bernie’s shoulder.

 

“Thanks…” Bernie stroked Alex’s hand as she leaned forwards a bit, “I think we owe her a bottle of wine for this…” she stage whispered, glancing back at Serena who, in spite of the gravity of the situation, chuckled as she put the file in the record holder at the end of the bed and, with a final look at the monitors and her patient, nodded at Bernie and stepped back into the noise of the AAU generally, leaving Alex to her ‘Guardian Bernie’, confident that her patient couldn’t be in any better care.

 

“Did you hear?” began Bernie, shifting slightly on the bed with great care so she was a little more stable in her perch, resuming her one-sided conversation with Alex, Serena’s departure unnoticed, her focus once more totally centred on her still but stable lover, “those children are fine thanks to you… you’re their hero by now...but you were my hero first...my wonderful, amazing Alex... wake up for me Al…”  Bernie continued to talk quietly to Alex as she stroked her hand, feeling the steady and strong beat of the pulse and watching the familiar rhythm of the rise and fall of Alex’s chest as she breathed ‘normally’, oblivious to the tears that poured down her cheeks unchecked… “wake up so I can give you your hero’s welcome...so I can love you some more… I love you Alex…”

 

* * *

 

 

“How she doing?”

 

“Which one?” asked Serena, standing next to Fletch and looking at Bernie, sat by the side of Alex’s bed, her head gently resting on the bed by Alex’s, clearly talking to her about something, something that Serena hoped to every last God ever invented or believed in by someone, anyone, that Alex was hearing what Bernie was saying and it was enough to help Alex regain consciousness.

 

“Both?”  Fletch looked down at Serena, just about got his breath back after his sprints through the hospital.  “I mean, it is… wait, how…”

 

“Yes, it is Alex Dawson, yes, she is _the_ Alex Dawson…” If they’d been having this conversation in Albie’s, or in fact at any time, in any other circumstance other than the one they were currently in, she might have suspected his motives for asking, dismissed his interest as prurient, or wanting to get the ‘inside’ gossip ahead of the rest of the hospital so he could make the right bet on a round of drinks… but beneath all of the cheeky boy wisecracks was a decent man whose heart was in the right place - yes, he could get the grapevine running at top speed if he wanted to, but he also had the ability like no other that she knew of to shut down a rumour: she had no idea how he did it, and was experienced enough to know not to even try to find out.  “She and Bernie are together.  And Raf and I knew because she came in one night shift a few weeks ago.” Serena looked at him thoughtfully, only for something to occur to her.  “Wait, you were supposed to bring her down from theatre.  Where did you go?”

 

“Nowhere…” Fletch puffed his cheeks out and ran his hand over his hair, not liking Serena’s expression of (embarrassing but understandable) disbelief.  “Don’t look at me like that Serena… she…” He looked back at Bernie, who hadn’t moved from her perch, “she really loves her, doesn’t she?”

 

“What happened?”  Not that Serena was disagreeing with his assessment, but she wasn’t going to agree with him until she’d got his explanation.

 

“She went so still, limp like, when I told her.  Mo had to take the scalpel before she dropped it.”

 

“You told her when she was still scrubbed in?  Fletch!”

 

“It was the only way.  You know Ms Wolfe, she’s worse than you at taking a hint to step out of theatre…” he met her glare with a steady look of his own, “no offence…”

 

“None taken,” agreed Serena finally, knowing there was no point denying it.  She knew it would have taken more than a friendly ‘your boss and junior are going to step in so you can leave’ suggestion to get her to walk away once she was scrubbed in.  “But then what happened?  She got here a fair bit ahead of you…”

 

“She didn’t say a word, just walked a bit like a robot, all numb like, out of theatre and pulled off her gown.  I met her as she scrubbed out and then she was gone.”

 

“Gone?”  Serena didn’t understand, gone where?

 

“Like Usain Bolt, just running...must be an army thing, but she was fast, real fast.”

 

“You’re not exactly slow Fletch…”

 

“Left me for dead she did, and when she took the stairs I was done for.”

 

“She took the stairs?”

 

“You didn’t know?”  Fletch was now doubly impressed - Darwin to AAU was not a short run, but he’d accepted that adrenalin could give you extra speed - he knew how much of a boost he got if he thought one of his kids was in difficulty, but for Serena to not know...adrenalin gave you speed, but it didn’t give you aerobic strength.

 

“No.”  Serena forced herself to turn away from watching Bernie and Alex - as much as she might want to focus her entire department on Alex, the reality was they were not without other patients, and with Bernie understandably by Alex’s side and Raf in theatre with Henrik for at least another couple of hours, no matter how quiet AAU stayed, she was going to be busy.  “Can you check with Scan and find out when they think they can get to Alex… then let Bernie know?”

 

“Sure.  Do you know if ED managed to prep her for scan?”

 

“No, they didn’t.  Could you?”

 

“I’ll take a gown over - I’ll give Ms Wolfe the option,” he decided, knowing it was highly irregular to potentially entrust the delicate task of getting a patient changed from their street clothes to a hospital gown to a family member, but he decided that this was a suitably exceptional situation.

 

“Good idea.”  Serena smiled at him as she turned to look at the list of patients, working out where to go next when she felt the lingering dampness on her fingers from when she’d squeezed Bernie’s shoulder.  “Oh and Fletch?”

 

“Yes Boss?”

 

“Can you take Ms Wolfe some fresh scrubs?  Maybe a sweatshirt too?  I doubt you’ll get a cup of sweet tea in her, but you never know..”  She waited, watching, knowing that he’d get her drift in a moment…

 

“Course.  Permission to raid your office for the good tea bags?  And the proper sugar not the sweetener stuff we have in the staff room?”  

 

“Raid away Fletch… hobnobs are in the third drawer of Bernie’s desk.”

 

“You got it Boss.”

 

* * *

 

 

“...square on the nose…”  Bernie chuckled to herself as she remembered the moment Ric Griffin’s fist connected with Hanssen’s nose.  “It’s one of the better memories I have…” she continued, sobering as she looked at Alex, “...when everything I touched seemed to fall apart…” she shifted in the chair she was now sitting on so she could change the position of her hand but not let go of Alex’s.

 

“Err, Ms Wolfe?”

 

“I think this is a ‘Bernie’ situation Fletch,” she said kindly, never looking away from Alex.

 

“Bernie, uh…” Fletch had had this conversation with the family members of patients hundreds if not thousands of times, but suddenly didn’t quite know where to begin, so remained rather rooted to the spot at the end of Alex’s bed.

 

“Has Alex got a scan slot yet?” 

 

“Yeah, we’re going to take her up in 45 minutes….so she needs to be wearing a gown.”  He walked up the other side of the bed, so that Bernie didn’t have to twist around too far to see him.  “I can give you a hand or…” he trailed off and just held up the neatly folded gown.

 

“I’ll do it…”  Bernie smiled at him, grateful for his thoughtfulness.  “Or at least, most of it. I don’t think…” she looked back at Alex, working out how she could approach getting Alex out of what remained of her running kit and into the wraparound patient gown without jeopardising her neck.  “I want to but…”  She looked back at Fletch, her expression showing all the concerns and worries she couldn’t articulate.

 

“I brought you a back fastening one,” explained Fletch, understanding her worries, “weird as it sounds, they’re actually easier for suspect necks…” he almost continued to say that she might have remembered from her own admit but stopped himself just in time.  “You don’t need to lift her up, just lay it over her and get her arms through the sleeves…” he saw the moment Bernie worked out what his plan was.  “I’ll come back with Serena and we’ll get the ties fastened behind her just before we go up to scan.”

 

“Thanks Fletch, I...”  Bernie wanted to explain that she wanted to be the one to change Alex into her gown not because she didn’t trust him, but because it was something she could do that felt like helping, but she couldn’t find the words.

 

“I know,” he said simply, reaching out and giving her shoulder a reassuring pat, much the same as Serena had done a little while earlier, not needing her to explain.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Umm, can I ask a personal question Bernie?”

 

“You can ask…” despite everything she was coping with, there was enough spark left in Bernie to favour him with a smirk, daring him to make it a good question.

 

“What size scrubs do you wear?  I’ll get you some fresh ones…”

 

“What?” Bemused, Bernie looked down at her scrubs, not seeing any hideous stains on them but starting to be conscious that she generally felt a bit damp and gritty… “Oh, right.”  She twitched suddenly, as she registered the cool dampness of her scrub shirt stuck to her back and ‘Major Wolfe’ kicked in, quickly assessing her the symptoms and formulating a diagnosis.  “Shock.  Yes.  Umm…” she looked back up at Fletch who was waiting patiently, keeping half an eye on the monitors and Alex whilst she had her ‘moment’.  “Medium...long length if there’s any around.  And maybe three sugars in a tea?”

 

“You got it.”  Impressed that she’d managed to self-diagnose herself, he gave what he hoped she’d see as a reassuring grin and nodded to where he’d left the gown for Alex on the blanket covering her hips.  “I’ll pull the screens and be back in 30?  With the scrubs and tea for you...apparently you’re a bit of a hobnob fan?”

 

“Don’t tell Alex…” Bernie looked back at Alex, stroking her arm as she watched the steady rise and fall of her lover’s chest for a few cycles, “...nothing beats chocolate digestives apparently.”

 

“Kit Kat, every time… be back in a few.”  And, with another smile and reassuring pat, Fletch stepped away from the bed and, pausing only to pull across the temporary screens that provided some privacy from the rest of AAU, went off to find some scrubs and make some tea.

 

* * *

 

 

“How is she?” asked Serena as she passed him en route to see another patient.

 

“Who Bernie?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Asking for sweet tea…” he said, looking back at the screened bed, “...and changing Alex into a gown.  I said we’d both help with the turn and roll.”  He took a breath and leaned a bit nearer to Serena, dropping his voice to barely more than a whisper.  “Gives you a chance to look at those red marks ED saw…”

 

“You don’t miss much, do you Fletch?” asked Serena, impressed with his quick thinking and that he’d noticed the small note that had been added to the otherwise fairly thin ED transfer notes.

 

“Try not to…” he began, only to jerk his head back towards where Bernie and Alex were, “...but I missed that.”

 

“Everyone has.  It’s still quite new, and Alex has been away quite a lot I think.”  Serena’s tone and gaze were clear - keep ‘everyone’ away if we can.

 

“Gotcha.”


	3. Chapter 3

“How’s Dr Dawson?”

 

“Who?”  Confused, Fletch swivelled around in his chair and looked at Raf, surprised to see him back in AAU this soon.  “And what are you doing here?”

 

“Mr Hanssen was happy to close and stay assisting Ms Effanga so I could come back here, given he assumed Serena was on her own.”  Raf looked across at the bay he’d admitted Alex Dawson into which was currently empty, “and Alex Dawson? Dr Dawson?”

 

“Oh, right…”  Fletch thought for a moment, before pieces of the puzzle slotted together, “Anaesthetist, course.”  Mystery solved, he stood up and put his pen back in his pocket, “they’re up in scan now, should be back any minute actually.  Serena’s in there if you want to say hi…” he said, tipping his head towards one of the AAU theatres.

 

“Does she want me to?”

 

“Might be best…” said Fletch, looking pointedly in the direction of Serena, “before they get back down…” ‘and we don’t want to scare the shit out of Bernie’ was his unspoken thought, not that he actually believed that was possible, given everything that had already happened.

 

“Ok then.” Perplexed, but recognising it was only going to waste time by trying to badger Fletch into being more explicit, Raf went into the theatre, surprised to find Serena there without a patient.  “Serena?”

 

“Raf!  What are you doing here?”

 

“Uh, working shift?”  At Serena’s rather disdainful look, he sobered and explained about Hanssen feeling able to continue without needing Raf’s assistance now they’d completed the critical trauma-related element of the surgery and he’d also caught up on the patient’s full history.

 

“Good, glad to have you back.”  Serena turned back to the operating table that she was stood by, resuming whatever it was she was doing.

 

“Uh what are you doing?” Raf had watched her miming something, clearly rehearsing some sort of procedure but he wasn’t quite working it out, nor could he remember ever seeing her do such a ‘rehearsal’.

 

“Unless Guy Self says there’s something in the scan that suggests we shouldn’t, I think we need to do a CSF test on Alex Dawson.”

 

“Lumbar puncture?”  Raf’s eyes went wide as he realised what Serena was suggesting - whilst it was not uncommon to do a spinal fluid test on patients with head injuries, particularly if they were experiencing a prolonged period of unconsciousness, “already?  You’re thinking meningitis?”

 

“I’m probably being overcautious…” Serena reached out and passed him the open patient file she had next to her, which he saw was Alex Dawson’s record, “but see the note from ED?  About the red marks?”

 

“Surely that was too rapid?  I know bacterial meningitis moves quickly, but she was less than an hour post trauma at that point wasn’t she?”

 

“Yes, but…”  Serena sighed and leant against the operating table, “...what if it wasn’t?  This is… I mean, she’s…”

 

“Bernie’s Alex?” guessed Raf, understanding in a way that no one else could.  For all they might be feeling just knowing that the patient was someone clearly very special to the otherwise fairly stoical and focussed trauma consultant, he had, in those few minutes early one morning in one of the MRI observation rooms, met Alex and seen her and Bernie together.  Even after only a few minutes, he’d seen enough to understand what the currently unconscious woman meant to Bernie, to like the confident anaesthetist, to see how she ‘got’ Bernie and managed to bring out a completely unexpected and different side of the surgeon.  He could therefore only too easily see how much tougher this was for Serena, who knew Bernie better than he did, and who presumably knew Alex a bit better too, having spent longer with her that night.

 

“Yes… I…”  Before Serena could say anything else, the door opened and, to their immense surprise, they saw Bernie slip through the door.

 

“Sorry, I…”

 

“It’s fine,” said Serena, closing Alex’s file and smiling at her fellow consultant, “you ok?  Sorry, ridiculous question.”

 

“It’s fine,” said Bernie, smiling faintly as she waved a hand in a vague gesture that communicated not to worry about it.  “I, uh, we’re back from scan.  They’re just getting Alex comfortable.”

 

“Oh, ok, results will…”

 

“Take a bit of time, I know.”  Bernie put her hands in her sweatshirt pockets and rocked on her feet a moment, “how’s Mr Fornell?”

 

“Good - Mr Hanssen’s staying in theatre whilst Ms Effanga finishes the ventricle repair, but our bit went well,” explained Raf, not quite sure what was going on, but sticking to his ‘if in doubt’ strategy of answering any question posed by a consultant with a precise and concise answer, no matter how crazy the question seemed to be given the circumstances.

 

“Good, thank you…”  Bernie trailed off and they stood awkwardly in silence for a moment before she just blurted out.  “You’re thinking CSF aren’t you?”

 

“What?  No!”  Serena’s immediate denial made Bernie chuckle in spite of the toll the last couple of hours had taken on her, prompting Bernie to give Serena a look that Raf had not seen directed at him since his first week of clinical school, so he could only imagine the last time Serena had experienced a consultant looking at her like that, although it clearly had the right effect on his boss.  “I think it’s something to consider…” she began, watching for any reaction from Bernie as she spoke, “... certainly if her GCS doesn’t start improving, and if Guy Self is happy with the scans.”

 

“Self’s here?”

 

“He’s coming down…” Serena was surprised by Bernie’s reaction - although Bernie was in an unusual position as a colleague of the man who had operated on her neck, Serena hadn’t been conscious that there was a particular issue between her and the challenging but exceptional neurosurgeon.  “I think Hanssen called him in.”

 

“He spoke to Mr Hanssen while we were scrubbing in for Mr Fornell,” explained Raf, recalling the neurosurgeon’s hurried conversation with Hanssen although at the time, he’d not been able to work out what they were talking about.

 

“Oh…”

 

“What are you thinking Bernie?” asked Serena gently, having no idea what was going on, but sensing it was quite significant if it saw her leave Alex for this long.

 

“You remember the night we came in for the scans?”  When Serena and Raf nodded, Bernie carried on talking, her gaze focussing on somewhere between her two colleagues and slightly above knee height.  “Alex had, has nightmares… about the IED.  About my injuries.”  Bernie rubbed her neck as she refocused her thoughts and tried to swallow the lump that was in her throat.  “They got worse after she’d been a locum here…”

 

“Is Self in the nightmare?” asked Serena gently, a few pieces of the puzzle coming together for her as she remembered some half overheard comments from that night.

 

“Yes…” Bernie took a deep breath, “Alex’s nightmare is that she arrives on Darwin as I’m coming round from surgery...and I’m…”  Unable to speak, Bernie waved at her neck as she shook her head.

 

“Paralysed.”  It was Raf who worked it out first.  “And Guy Self was the surgeon who operated on your neck.”  Relieved that she didn’t have to say anything, Bernie just nodded, glad he’d understood.

 

“I’d like him to look at Alex’s scans, but I’ll talk to him about keeping his distance when she comes round.”  If necessary, she’d get Hanssen to talk to the walking ego and do the neuro exams herself,  _ when _ Alex came round - she wasn’t prepared to consider an alternative, not yet, not for a long time yet.

 

“Thank you.  I should...”  Bernie turned towards the doors, preparing to leave Serena and Raf in peace and return to Alex.

 

“Ms Wolfe?” asked Raf, causing her to pause.

 

“Yes Mr Di Lucca?”

 

“Would Major Wolfe do CSF now?”  He felt Serena tense beside him as he asked, and for a brief moment, he doubted whether he’d done the right thing by asking his question despite his gut feel it was.

 

“I…” Bernie paused, her instinctive ‘I can’t answer that’ response sticking in her throat as she was suddenly reminded of something.  “Major Wolfe would get Captain Dawson to do it - better done on the ground than during Medivac, and she’s better at them than me.  Assuming the scans were clear.”  

 

“ED noted some redness,” observed Serena quietly, wanting to see what Bernie’s reaction would be.

 

“Bruising?”  Bernie stayed frozen, half turned to leave but not moving towards the door.

 

“Not exactly,” said Serena, picking up Alex’s file, “but not exactly a rash either.”

 

“That doesn’t make sense…” Bernie chewed her lip, trying to depersonalise this and consider a generic ‘patient scenario’ - it was too soon for a meningitis rash surely?  “Definitely not explained by the fall?”

 

“Not according to ED…  is there any history of skin conditions? Allergies?” Serena knew she was clutching at straws a bit, but she didn’t know what to make of the ED’s cryptic note about these mystery ‘red marks’ and she also knew she wasn’t going to be able to examine them without arousing Bernie’s curiosity.

 

“No…” Bernie wracked her brain but couldn’t think of anything that could obviously explain ‘redness’ noticed by ED, unless...

 

“What?”

 

“Hmm?”  Bernie looked at Serena, the colour in her cheeks intensifying as she looked at Serena, her fingers fidgeting with her sweatshirt cuffs.

 

“Mr di Lucca?  Could you go see to our other guests please?” As requests to scarper, it wasn’t Serena’s most subtle ever, but then again, sometimes subtly was over-rated.  Confused, but knowing when he was in danger of seriously outstaying his welcome, Raf kept his mouth shut and his head down as he left the theatre, not sure what was about to happen.

 

“What are you thinking?” asked Serena when the two consultants were alone.

 

“Umm…”  Bernie’s eyes darted nervously from side to side, unable to look Serena in the eye which Serena found rather unsettling from the usually direct, almost to the point of painfully so, surgeon.  “Redness that’s not quite bruising and not quite a rash… hips and stomach?”

 

“ED went for ‘widespread torso, no discernable pattern’,” quoted Serena from memory.

 

“It’s not a rash, and it’s not bruising…well, not exactly.”

 

“Go on…” encouraged Serena, willing herself to keep calm.

 

“Alex came home yesterday, she’s been away for three weeks - mostly for this review she’s doing…” Bernie couldn’t exactly remember how much Alex had explained to Serena about the work she’d been doing with the flying hospital charity, but that didn’t matter for the moment, “...but she had to go straight from the airport to Base for her Reserve Duty weekend…” Serena had no idea where Bernie was going with this, but was now mentally thinking of all the extra tests they should start running if they needed to start excluding tropical diseases or biochemical exposure...and it was already a very long list.  “I wasn’t expecting her home until late yesterday but she was already home when I finished here…” Serena remembered Bernie had offered to work later if she’d wanted to get away early, but Serena had insisted that Bernie was entitled to leave on time for once.  So now she was wondering whether they needed to start exclusion tests on Bernie too....

 

“Sorry, what?”  Serena realised she’d missed what Bernie had said, too deep in her own thoughts about whether they needed to be worrying about quarantine protocols.

 

“I said… it’s probably caused by me.”

 

“What is?”

  
“The widespread torso redness… and there is a discernable pattern…” she finished in a mutter.

 

“Wait, you’re saying…” No longer distracted by her own wild and crazy guesses, Serena considered what Bernie was and wasn’t saying with the same skepticism and hunches that she would in any other ‘I think I know what’s wrong’ situation with a family member, trying to forget about Bernie being ‘Ms Wolfe’ and instead think of her as ‘patient’s girlfriend’.  “Carpet burn?”

 

“I’m going back to Alex now…” As Bernie turned to leave, Serena caught a glimpse of something that she hadn’t consciously noticed before, just showing under the edge of Bernie’s scrub top.

 

Smiling in spite of the severity of the situation that Alex’s on-going unconscious state was, Serena opened Alex’s file and made a brief note next to ED’s note, before she followed Bernie out of the theatre.  She’d do a quick exam just to be sure, and she’d take Guy’s advice on whether they really needed to do a lumbar puncture now or whether they could wait a little longer, but for the first time since she’d realised the ‘Jane Doe’ was Alex, Serena was starting to feel a little bit calmer - they weren’t out of the woods yet, wouldn’t be until Alex was alert and had a GCS of 15, but maybe they were headed in the right direction now...


	4. Chapter 4

“...can you flex your foot?”  As Bernie asked the question, she looked optimistically at Alex’s left foot which was a couple of inches off the bed whilst she massaged the lower calf.  Although it was far too soon to be considering any sort of physiotherapy as part of palliative care for Alex as a ‘coma’ patient, Serena (with a bit of help from Raf and Fletch) had casually asked whether Alex was the sort of runner who was diligent about her ‘warm down’ stretches.  That in turn was all the hint Bernie had needed to start gently massaging and stretching Alex’s legs for her - no matter what else Alex had to recover from when she regained consciousness, Bernie was determined that stiff legs wasn’t going to be one of her symptoms.

 

“Come on Alex…” repeated Bernie, looking up at Alex’s face which, now the scan had confirmed no spinal injury, was much more easily visible with only the intubation tube and no more head immobiliser or neck collar.  “You’re always lecturing me about how I should stretch more…” Bernie repositioned her hands so she was holding Alex’s leg by the heel and could run her fingers up the outside of her lover’s shin, starting to warm up the peroneal muscles.  “Peroneus tertius, responsible for dorsiflexion…” she ran her fingers down the line of the muscle again and again, pressing a little more firmly with each pass as she tried to ease any stiffness from the muscles, “which you’re not interested in doing it seems…” observed Bernie conversationally as she took her hand away for a moment, as if to give Alex another opportunity to flex her foot as requested.  “Maybe later, so it’s onto Peroneus longus and peroneus brevis…” she switched hands, so she was now holding Alex’s heel with her left hand so she could use her right hand to massage these muscles more easily, “responsible for eversion and plantarflexion...you interested in pointing your toes?”

* * *

  
  


“She’s incredible…” 

 

“Hmm? Who’s incredible?” asked Serena, having heard Raf’s comment, but sufficiently absorbed in the results they’d just got for the suspected salmonella poisoning who was currently on fluids in the ED awaiting transfer that she didn’t actually know who he was talking about.

 

“Bernie, Ms Wolfe I mean…” he corrected himself, nodding in the direction of Alex’s bed.  “She’s just keeping going, talking to her… it can’t be easy...”

 

“No, it can’t…” Serena watched as Bernie put down Alex’s leg, wondering whether she was stopping, only to smile when she saw that Bernie had only stopped long enough to be able perch more securely on the bed so that she could pick up Alex’s leg again and rest it on her lap so she had better access to her next muscle targets.  

 

“What did Mr Self say about CSF?”

 

“Nothing on the scan to suggest we couldn’t do it, but I’m going to hold for another hour or so.”

 

“Oh?  What about the redness?”  Raf looked at Serena curiously, wondering what had prompted her change of heart since earlier.

 

“Not a rash…” said Serena dryly, trying to return to her reading.

 

“No?  What was it?  And how can you be sure when ED…”

 

“Umm…” Realising from Raf’s rapid fire questions that he wasn’t going to drop the topic easily, which was hardly surprising given the circumstances she supposed.  “Bernie could tell me what it was…”

 

“Go on…” Sensing from Serena’s reluctance to tell him, Raf leaned forwards so as to make it easier for her to share the explanation confidentially, “something from her service overseas?”

 

“Not quite.”  Giving up on her reading for the moment, Serena put the file aside and, in what she hoped was a suitably relaxed and conversational way asked, “did you know Alex had been away for three weeks? Got back yesterday.”

 

“I knew she’d been away, hadn’t known she was coming back yesterday…” he frowned realising that this meant she’d been out for her first morning run since returning when the accident happened, “I’m guessing she wasn’t entirely expected?”

 

“What makes you think that?”

 

“Wasn’t Bernie offering to take some of your shift yesterday?”

 

“Yes, as it happens.”  Serena smiled smugly, “rather proud that I resisted temptation actually.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Turns out there’s something of a tiger in the Wolfe…”

 

“What’s that got to do with the not a rash redness?” asked Raf, only to see Serena’s expression change to a fairly good imitation of his ex-wife’s ‘I’m disappointed in you’ look.  “Wait…” he reconsidered what Serena had said, that he’d never heard her call Bernie by only her surname before, and what did tigers have to do with…. “No!”  He blushed as he realised what she was suggesting.

 

“Apparently so.”

 

“Really?”  In spite of himself, he looked over towards Alex and Bernie, “but they’re…”

 

“Old?”

 

“Hardly.”  Raf glared at her for thinking so little of him. “Officers,” he replied primly, his Scottish accent thicker than usual.

 

“But not gentlemen,” quipped Serena, feeling rather proud of her humour under the circumstances as she picked up her file again, trying to get her head around what was or wasn’t going on with this patient...

 

* * *

 

 

“And that just leaves tibialis anterior…” With Alex’s calf resting across her lap, Bernie was able to use both hands to work at the muscle, taking her time so she didn’t apply too much pressure too soon, knowing that applying too much force too soon during a massage to a muscle that was tight was not only excruciating, but could also do damage.  “...which as you know starts at the lateral surface of the tibia and extends down to the first metatarsal having passed under the surface of the medial cuneiform bone…” as she provided her anatomy lesson, Bernie’s fingers traced the line of the muscle, Alex’s foot lightly braced against her stomach so it couldn’t slip from Bernie’s lap and jar. “...which is another key muscle involved in dorsiflexion...you going to flex your foot for me now?” asked Bernie, taking her hands away from Alex’s shin and looking at the foot, willing ito to flex.  “I said flex, not push me in the stomach…” Bernie had spoken without realising what she’d said, only to realise when she again felt the firm, determined push against her stomach.  “Alex?”  Quickly but carefully, she lifted Alex’s leg up again and slipped off the bed, trying to keep her breathing calm and stop her heart from leaping out of her chest.

 

“Alex?”  Bernie moved up towards the head of the bed and leaned over so that she was in Alex’s line of vision if she had her eyes open.  “Come on Alex, open your eyes for me…” she encouraged, risking a glance up at the monitors which were, much to her relief, showing that there was nothing ‘abnormal’ about Alex’s vitals - if this was a change in Alex’s GCS, it was a change for the better, not worse.  “It’s Bern, I’m here…” she stroked her lover’s forehead, brushing the loose strands of hair that were refusing to stay out of Alex’s eye line no matter how often Bernie had tucked them back behind her ear as she kept her vigil.  “You’re on my ward, you’re going to be fine…” she continued, wanting to reassure Alex that she was safe and secure, “just open your eyes for me…”  As Bernie stroked Alex’s cheek for the umpteenth time since she’d come back from the scans, she was rewarded with Alex’s eyes opening.

 

“FLETCH!” Bernie had shouted before Alex’s eyes had focussed, startling her lover who was rather overwhelmed by the sudden bright lights of AAU, noise of Bernie’s shout and the choking feeling of the intubation tube.

 

“Shh it’s only me, it’s Bernie….” Bernie leaned even further over the bed, using her body to block out as much of the bright light as she could, not stopping in her stroking even as she felt Alex reaching out and grabbing onto her scrub shirt, pulling it tight against the back of Bernie’s neck.  “You’re ok Alex, you’re ok…” she murmured, not aware of her eyes watering, this time with tears of relief as she saw Alex’s pupils start to contract as they reacted to the light levels, “...you’re intubated, that’s the tube you’re feeling…” Bernie heard Fletch run over and then his shouts for Serena and Raf, but she wasn’t looking away from Alex, wasn’t noticing anything else apart from Alex’s face, and her reactions as her awareness of her surroundings steadily improved.  “Just keep relaxed, let the tube do it’s job for a moment…” she felt the pull of her shirt lessen against her neck, “that’s it, just look at me, you’re going to be ok…” she stroked Alex’s cheek again, “can you blink for me?”

 

She held her breathe as she waited for a moment, wondering if Alex would actually be able to do what she asked…

 

“Good girl!” Bernie’s enthusiasm was infectious and, unnoticed by her, Fletch risked a flash of a grin at Serena and Raf as they arrived, with a small thumbs up.

 

“Serena’s here, you remember Serena?  She did the tests on me that night?  With Raf?”  Bernie blindly reached out and felt for Alex’s hand that had the death grip on her shirt.  “They’re your doctors Alex, I need to let them see you…”  As she attempted to replace her shirt with her hand in Alex’s grasp, she felt the sharp tug as Alex found her shirt with her other hand and hung on with a death grip.

 

“Here…on your right.” Serena held a pair of surgical gloves out in front of her, slightly to Bernie’s right, just outside of where she thought Alex’s peripheral vision might finish.  “Take the tube out Ms Wolfe…” she instructed kindly.  So what if it was breaking a rule or two… sometimes even the strictest rule followers had to know when to bend.

 

“Thanks…” Bernie blindly reached out and grabbed the gloves when she felt them.  “Alex?  I’m going to take the tube out for you, ok?”  Bernie saw the relief in Alex’s eyes the split second before she felt the pressure on the back of her neck ease slightly again.  “But you need to let go of my shirt…”  Again, she saw Alex’s objections in her eyes a second before she felt her lover’s resistance through her shirt.  “Look, I’m gloved…” Bernie put her right hand in Alex’s field of vision as she once again stroked her cheek, knowing Alex would feel the difference in sensation, “but you’ve done this a thousand times, let me move a bit?”  Bernie felt the pull on her shirt ease a bit, enabling her to move to her left a bit - ideally, she’d want to be level with Alex’s head at the top of the bed, looking over and down on Alex so she was in line with Alex’s mouth but based on how Alex was coping, she wasn’t going to give Bernie the chance to move that far around, nor were they going to be able to get in to move the bed away from the wall far enough for her to squeeze in from this angle.  “Bit more Al?”  Ignoring the spasms starting in her neck and back muscles, Bernie carefully moved up the side of the bed as, inch by inch, she got nearer to where she felt she could risk removing the tube without hurting her lover, until she was level with Alex’s neck.  It felt like hours to Bernie but Serena, who was keeping a very close eye on Alex from just behind Bernie was impressed that she’d got Alex focussed and responding so quickly as, by Serena’s estimate, it was just over a minute since she’d joined Bernie at  Alex’s bedside.

 

“I’m ready for extubation Ms Wolfe,” said Raf calmly, arriving at the other side of the bed with a trolley with all the equipment that was needed to not only complete the extubation but, if necessary and Alex couldn’t sustain breathing on her own, re-intubate, although Raf was hoping he wouldn’t have to use most of it.

 

“Right…”  Bernie shifted her shoulders as she stayed looking at Alex, who was continuing to calm down and was even starting to slightly relax her death grip on Bernie’s shirt. “I seem to remember having to referee a rather spirited debate between a certain Captain Dawson and one of our American ‘cousins’ about the relative merits of standard versus semi Fowler in extubations…” the reference was lost on Raf and Serena, but that didn’t matter to Bernie - what did matter to her was that Alex recognised that she was ‘Captain Dawson’ which was another tick on Bernie’s mental checklist about how her lover was doing, “...so could we raise the bed to 30 degrees please Fletch?”  As he stepped forward to reposition the bed, Bernie continued talking to Alex, “and you thought I wasn’t on your side that day.  Ready to go up?”  Bernie saw Alex carefully blink her confirmation.  “Thanks Fletch,” cued Bernie, grateful to be able to straighten up a touch as he raised the head of the bed a bit, so Alex was a little more upright and able to see a bit more of her surroundings, something she did by darting her eyes from left to right, seeing Raf and Serena but quickly returning her focus to Bernie which, Serena noted automatically, seemed to correspond to the steadying of her heartbeat again, the increase in pulse as she was moved into a more upright position only temporary.

 

“So, if you’re ready Raf?”

 

“Ready Ms Wolfe.”

 

“That’s good, because I’m sure Dr Dawson here is going to give us marks out of ten for how well we’ve done afterwards…” as she spoke, Bernie quickly and efficiently removed the tapes that were stuck to Alex’s face and neck, holding the intubation tube in place, “...get ready for the suction noise Al…thanks.”  Bernie efficiently completed the preparations for the final bit that she’d have preferred not to have to do on her lover, remove the tube.  “Ok Al, we’re ready if you’re ready…” she glanced at Raf who was indeed ready with the oxygen mask that would help Alex ease into breathing completely on her own.  “So give me a couple of steady breaths and then, when I say so, it’s the deep breath and cough from you and Raf and I do the rest ok?  No heroics from the anaesthetist ok?”  Bernie’s humour in spite of the pressure she was no doubt feeling helped Raf’s nerves settle and she felt him calm again, hearing his breathing steady again as he relaxed that little bit of tension he’d started to feel when he’d stopped to think about who the patient was.  “Right, steady breath...and again...and…deep breath…”

 

As Bernie talked Alex through what she needed to do to help get the tube out of her throat and generally settle back against the pillows which Fletch was on hand to reposition as Raf and Bernie worked as a team, Serena kept a watchful eye on the monitors and her patient, pleased to see that so far, everything was looking good, very good.

 

“Hello…” The mask in place over Alex’s nose, Bernie stripped off her gloves and tossed them in the direction of Raf and the equipment, once again focussed solely on Alex, “...how’s that?”

 

“Gmph…”  Alex’s voice was hoarse and indistinct, which was hardly surprising given the circumstances.

 

“Bernie?”  As Raf and Fletch moved away, Serena came up the other side of the bed and, touching Bernie lightly on the shoulder, said, “I need to exam Alex, can you straighten up a bit…”

 

“Mmph!”

 

“It’s ok Alex, she’s not going anywhere, I just need her to lean back a bit so I can examine you… you can hold her hands rather than her shirt whilst I do it…” encouraged Serena gently, watching as Bernie gently replaced her shirt with her hands, oblivious to the fact that Alex had actually managed to pull open the seams of the shirt and she was consequently wearing a top with a rather baggier neckline than had been designed.  “...and she’s going to sit on the bed right next to you,” suggested Serena, as much for Bernie’s benefit as Alex’s.  “Now then…”  Finally able to look Alex in the eye for the first time, Serena smiled warmly at the brunette who, considering everything that had happened in the last few hours, was impressively calm, “...let’s see how you’re doing…”  And hopefully, thought Serena as she began to examine Alex and see how she was doing, we’re almost out of the woods...


	5. Chapter 5

“So…” Hearing Serena announce herself, Alex blinked sleepily and ran her fingers down Bernie’s forearm, prompting her to turn around to look at her colleague but otherwise make no attempt to move from her perch on the side of Alex’s bed.  “Scan results…”  Serena couldn’t bring herself to keep them in suspense, so just blurted out the news, “...looking good.  I’d like to do another scan in two hours, but…” she passed the results to Bernie so both she and Alex could see for themselves if they wanted to, “I expect to see further improvement.  I’ve asked Neuro for their confirmation, but I think, to use all the technical terms I know you army types love to baffle us civilians with…” Serena knew she was probably being a bit mean teasing them, but the relief that was currently being felt by her, and Fletch, Raf, Guy Self (according to Hanssen) and a good number of people across Darwin and Keller who’d heard about the accident on the grapevine, was making her almost giddy. “...I’m prepared to confirm our original diagnosis…”

 

“Which was?” asked Bernie, having missed that as it was before anyone had made the connection between the supposed ‘Jane Doe’ and her.

 

“Hell of a thump on the head… you might try landing shoulder first next time?  We’re ridiculously good at collar bones…”

 

“I’ll bear that in mind…” said Alex carefully, no longer needing the oxygen mask to help her breathe, but still finding her throat a little scratchy, although she’d already tried to explain to Bernie at least twice that if it was caused by the tubing, it would have been intubation and not extubation that caused the irritation.  “What happens next?”

 

“If you’re desperate to escape my care, I could see about getting you transferred to a Ward for a few hours…” Serena saw Bernie’s spine stiffen and, whilst Alex was proving to be remarkably adept at keeping a good poker face, she wasn’t convinced that her patient was truly indifferent to remaining on AAU, “...but I’m proposing to keep you here and, if your next two scans are clear…” One was sufficient, but she was going to be over-cautious and do two, just to be absolutely certain. “...and your girlfriend here promises not to over-excite you…” That earned her a glare from Bernie, but it was a good-natured glare with, by Ms Wolfe her co-consultant standards, relatively little venom behind it, “...I think you can be discharged into Bernie’s tender care.”  Which, knew Serena, would rather neatly coincide with the end of her shift.

 

“Thank you.  I like AAU.”

 

“You’re welcome Alex.”  

 

Serena wisely kept her mouth shut when she saw Alex pinch Bernie’s thigh.

 

“Thanks Serena.”  Bernie looked over her shoulder at her colleague and her expression said everything she didn’t want to say aloud in front of Alex.

 

“No problem…”  Serena focussed on putting the scan results back in Alex’s file.

 

“Serena?”

 

“Yes Alex?”

 

“Can you tell Bernie I’ll be ok on my own while she has a shower please?”

 

“Alex!”  Before Serena could work out how to reply to Alex’s unexpected question, Bernie had got there first.  “I’m staying here...”

 

“Bern…” Alex reached up with a tired arm and tucked some blonde strands back behind her lover’s ear, “...you’re fidgeting, and the smell of scrub soap is making my nose itch.”

 

“Are you saying I smell?” asked Bernie, consciously stilling her hands which had, much to her embarrassment, been keeping up a non-stop fiddle with the edge of the sheet.

 

“Of theatre scrub soap.”

 

“I was about to operate when you…”  Bernie looked down at her fingers, unable to finish her thought.

 

“She’s set a new record in the Darwin to AAU flat out sprint competition…” volunteered Serena, stepping closer to Alex and Bernie so their conversation was a bit more private, “...she’d just scrubbed into a surgery when you were transferred to us.  I’ll keep Alex company for a bit Bernie…” Serena dropped her voice to a stage whisper level, “...and I promise to keep Fletch away so he can’t try and get Alex to spill all your secrets…”

 

“Go on Bern…” encouraged Alex again, “...get some chow in the Mess too?” she asked, the military jargon slipping through out of habit, her sleepiness reasserting itself.

 

“You sure you don’t mind?” asked Bernie, looking at Serena for confirmation that she really didn’t mind keeping Alex company for a few minutes.

 

“Give me a few minutes to brave the minefield that is your side of our office and I’ll even do some of your paperwork for you…” Serena patted Alex’s leg through the blankets, “one day you must tell me how she ended up with such messy habits.”

 

“Thanks Serena…” Now she knew Alex wa at least out of the immediate danger zones and improving rapidly, Bernie’s stomach had started to unknot for the first time in hours, and that meant she could also now start to notice the gurgling noises it was making.  “Actually, something to eat would be good…” She saw Alex’s face pale at the mention of food, confirming she wasn’t yet through all the post-concussion nausea, “...and I’ll shower after that, and brush my teeth…” she promised, relieved to see Alex’s colour return.

 

“No problem.  Back in a few.”  And, with a final pat on Alex’s leg, Serena turned and headed back to her office, stopping off by the nurse’s station to check in with Fletch as she went.

  
  


“I’m hovering, aren’t I?” asked Bernie, looking sheepishly at Alex.

 

“A little,” agreed Alex, tangling her fingers with Bernie’s, “but I’m not really complaining…” except she was, sort of, in asking Bernie to bugger off for a bit…

 

“Hey…” Bernie leaned forwards and gently rested her forehead against Alex’s, keeping both their gazes focussed on their hands, “...you’re asking me to look after myself, which isn’t the same as telling me to bugger off.”  Bernie gave Alex’s hands a gentle squeeze.  “And even if you did want to tell me to bugger off, I wouldn’t take it personally…”

 

“You wouldn’t?”

 

“Well, not the first time…” teased Bernie, relieved to hear a bit of Alex’s spark returning after her stupid comment about food, but wanting to try and bolster Alex’s spirits a bit more before Serena came back.

 

“You always were a bit slow on the uptake…” It was an old joke between them, a joke that hadn’t always been funny for them during the ups and downs of their relationship as they shifted from colleagues to friends to something rather more and then less… but now, with fewer complications than they’d ever had to cope with before, Bernie’s inability to take a hint at times was once more a source of amusement for them both.

 

“I thought I did rather well this morning…” Bernie stroked along Alex’s cheekbone, catching up the inevitable strands of hair and tucking them behind her ear before continuing to trace down the line of her jaw, “...you did say you didn’t want to oversleep…”

 

“The coffee was a nice touch…” agreed Alex, shifting her head, no longer satisfied with just being held by Bernie, “and you were a very nice touch…” 

 

With conversation feeling rather too much like hard work, Alex tilted her head until Bernie cottoned on to what she was trying to do and helped by turning her head and seeking out Alex’s lips with her own.  However, the moment their lips touched, the surgeon relaxed completely and let Alex take the lead… as much as Bernie wanted to lose herself in kissing Alex and generally trying to show Alex how much she loved her, how grateful she was that Alex had come back, from Afghanistan, from her tour with the flying hospital, had come back to Bernie after all the mistakes she’d made, that she’d come back to Bernie from the oblivion her heroism had cast her into a few hours ago… as much as she wanted to shut out everything except the pounding of her heart and the overwhelming desire to try and communicate all of that to Alex in a kiss, she didn’t.  Instead, she kept all of that carefully held safely inside her and concentrated on sharing Alex’s kiss, not wanting to exhaust or overwhelm her as she coped with the after-effects of her very serious head injury.

 

“Mmm…” A few moments later, much to her frustration, Alex had to end the kiss because she couldn’t tell if her head was spinning from the concussion, oxygen shortage or kissing Bernie.

 

“Head spinning?” asked Bernie perceptively, instinctively wrapping her arm around Alex’s shoulders and helping her shift into a more comfortable position against the raised bed.

 

“Mmm… a little…” agreed, Alex, closing her eyes as she leaned into the soft pillow that Bernie was holding behind her head for her to trap in the position that was the most comfortable.

 

“Take a few deep breaths…” encouraged Bernie, automatically looking at the monitor that was still silently recording Alex’s vitals, noting the slight dip in oxygen levels, but hoping it was just a temporary thing.

 

“I’m ok Bern…” said Alex, her eyes still closed as she just concentrated on deep, steady breaths, wincing a little as she felt her sore ribs move, a few bruises the only ‘proof’ she had that she had managed to get the little kids to land on her and not the hard ground.  “You always did take my breath away…” she joked, pleased to hear the expected groan from Bernie when she heard the really cheesy line.  “I’m fine… stop worrying…”

 

“Not a chance…” insisted Bernie, pleased to see Alex’s stats improve again, confirming it was just a momentary blip as a result of overdoing it.

 

“But…”  Alex looked at Bernie, trying to work out what to say to get Bernie to stop worrying about her - she was conscious, she was going to be fine.

 

“I’ll stop worrying the day after you stop worrying about me…” pointed out Bernie reasonably.

  
“That’s never going to happen.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I love you,” said Alex simply, without needing to think about her answer.

 

“Exactly.  I love you Alex…” Bernie stood up and moved nearer to the head of the bed so she could lean closer to Alex again without Alex having to move.  “More than I ever thought possible…” She kissed Alex’s forehead gently, “I love you Al…”

 

“Aaaachooo!”  Alex’s battle with the itch that had been building in her nose for the last few minutes or so (courtesy of the scrub soap that Bernie had used hours earlier) gave out, and she surprised herself with a sneeze….

 

“I know she’s a trial, but please don’t headbutt her…” teased Serena, arriving just in time to see the end of Alex’s sneeze and her accidentally headbutt Bernie in the stomach. “If only for your own wellbeing.”

 

“Shower….” growled Alex, glaring at Bernie as best she could given the sudden pounding in her head from the various jolts she’d given herself with the sneeze and colliding with Bernie’s (usually very lovely) decidedly unsquidgy stomach.

 

“Yes Ma’am!” And, much to Serena’s surprise, she watched as Bernie snapped off a salute to Alex and executed a perfect military about face, before setting off towards the locker room where she’d got her wash kit and her civvies.

 

“She’s…” 

 

“Not what you’d expected?” 

 

“Full of surprises… now, let’s get you settled again…” and, putting her paperwork down on the bed, Serena stepped up and once again helped Alex get settled.  “No more sneezing?”

 

“You don’t smell of scrub soap,” mumbled Alex, feeling a drowsiness she didn’t feel like battling with just now, not least because Serena wasn’t Bernie...

 

“Thank you...” Anything else Serena might have thought about saying would have to wait for a while as, much to her relief, with the combination of the good news about her scan results and the absence of Bernie to hold her interest, Serena watched her patient drift off to sleep…


	6. Chapter 6

“I don’t like it Serena.”

 

“No, I agree…” Serena stood at the end of Alex’s bed, studying the file that Raf had given her, “...it’s turned into a clash of egos and specialties…” she turned the page, “... _ and _ Ortho?” she asked, looking up at Raf in alarm.

 

“Yes.  It’s a mess.”  Raf ran his hand over his head, “no one’s being deliberately difficult, it’s just….”

 

“Glowworm.”

 

“Pardon?”  Not having expected to be interrupted by Alex, who both Serena and Raf had thought was dozing still, he turned to look at the actually quite awake army anaesthetist.

 

“Glowworm - the patient.”

 

“You’ve lost us,” said Serena, moving closer, gesturing for Raf to join them, wondering if this was the beginnings of a cognitive issue as a result of the concussion.

 

“Sorry…” Alex blinked, trying to organise her thoughts into something she could explain succinctly.  “The patient - complex injuries, conflicting priorities, young?”

 

“Nineteen years old, being triaged in ED now,” explained Raf, deciding to just go with Alex’s questions at face value until Serena stepped in.

 

“Cause of injuries?”

 

“Building collapse - took a couple of hours to extract her.  ED got a doctor into the rubble with her.”  And it was a mess, a well intentioned mess admittedly, but right now in ED there were more specialists than you could find at a med school open day, all trying to offer their best solution for the aspect of the patient’s injuries.  Unfortunately, it was turning into a bit of a clash of personalities as no one was able to referee between all the different conflicting priorities, and until that happened, the patient couldn’t be transferred from ED to a surgical team.  However right now it was still somewhat academic as, until ED had completed their triage and tests, she wasn’t going anywhere.

 

“Let me guess…” Alex thought for a moment, “Ortho, Neuro, Cardio, Plastics and Trauma?”

 

“And Gynie… there’s a risk of complications from a possible pelvis fracture,” said Serena, impressed with Alex’s summary of which specialisms were involved in trying to formulate a plan for this young woman.

 

“We had few like that…”

 

“In Afghanistan?” asked Raf, his curiosity about their army experiences (which Ms Wolfe never talked about) getting the better of him for a moment.

 

“And other places.  They were known as GLOWWORM patients.”

 

“Glowworm?  As in luminous maggots?” asked Raf, only to see both Serena and Alex blanche at his unusually visual description.  “Sorry…”

 

“Not quite.  It’s an acronym…”

 

“G-L-O-W-W-O-R-M?” spelt out Serena, scribbling it down on the outside of the file she still held, looking at it for a moment… the G could be Gynie?  Was the O Orthopaedics?  But what were the other letters for?  “What does it stand for?”

 

“Got Limited Options - Want Wolfe Operating - Requires Miracle.”

 

“Seriously?”  Raf wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly, and, well, it had to be a joke, right?

 

“You’ve got Bernie’s transfer notes from Bastion?  It’ll be on there…” Alex looked down at her hands for a moment, trying to not get dragged back into the memories of those horrible moments when the duty team had been completing their triage after they had arrived at the field hospital (which was a bit of a misnomer really, considering it was about the most sophisticated trauma centre in the world, never mind a battle field) and they’d all remembered that Major Wolfe  _ was  _ the GLOWWORM.

 

“Yes well…”  Serena wasn’t sure what to think, with pride and ego encouraging her to scoff at the assertion, but there were little nagging recollections that were stopping her from doing so… Bernie Wolfe  _ was _ as good as her reputation had professed her to be, that first surgery had proven that… and never mind that she’d got Jac Naylor’s respect, she’d impressed the HPB specialists which was virtually unheard of...not to mention she’d got Self and Valentine to operate together, successfully…

 

“She doesn’t know what it stands for…” said Alex suddenly, seeing Bernie return in her black shirt and trousers that she really had no business wearing given how spectacular her legs were (but generally forgotten about as neither fatigues or scrubs did anyone’s legs any favours).

 

“This is a serious looking trio…” said Bernie, announcing her presence and trying not to worry about why Raf and Serena were stood around Alex’s bed looking so serious, although Alex’s grin suggested she wasn’t the cause of the worry.  “Everything ok Al?”

 

“I’m fine, promise…” said Alex, reaching out to take Bernie’s hand as Bernie slipped between Raf and the side of the bed.  “Raf and Serena have a GLOWWORM in ED.”

 

“Oh?”  Bernie looked up at Serena, “didn’t realise that was a status in Holby.”

 

“It isn’t, Alex’s just been teaching us about it…” said Serena, attempting to avoid having to actually explain what she knew the term to mean.  “You mind taking a look?” she asked, passing the file across the bed to Bernie who, much to her surprise, felt her hand let go by Alex.

 

“But…”

 

“Go on Bern…. She’s 19…” encouraged Alex, knowing that if Bernie read the file, she’d then be going to ED and from ED to theatre, “...I’ll be fine…”

 

“Hmm…” Bernie was glancing at the file, eyes darting from piece of information to piece of information, putting together a  picture of the patient and the possible surgical solution from the scribbled notes Raf had put together as he’d observed the triage in ED, “...crush injuries...pelvis risk, bet gynie’s concerned about that...HPB or renal involved yet?” she asked, looking at Serena and Raf.

 

“No… what are you thinking?” asked Raf, sharing a look with Serena that Alex had seen before on the faces of surgeons who were experiencing the mix of relief and terror that Bernie’s arrival and assessment of a GLOWWORM patient generally brought.  It was one of the unofficial characteristics of a successful ‘GLOWWORM’ call as far as the anaesthetists and triage personnel had been concerned.  That and the patient surviving of course.

 

“Given the pelvic injuries, I’d be more concerned about the lower rib fractures than the thoracic injuries to begin with - as serious as partially collapsed lung is…”

 

“A renal bleed makes it irrelevant…” finished Raf, seeing where Bernie was going with her thinking.  “Serena?”  He looked her, knowing that he wanted to go back to ED, with Bernie, that this was the right plan for this patient.

 

“Go…”  It hurt to admit that she wasn’t the ‘Queen’ of her realm, but right now, that was a secondary consideration - her primary consideration was to their patients, and she understood that this was Bernie’s bread and butter, this was who she was… this was child’s play for the blonde, and was therefore what and who this patient, barely older than a child, needed.

 

“Serena?”  Bernie wasn’t following.

 

“Sounds like she’s your patient Ms Wolfe... if you’re up for it?” asked Serena, eying Bernie critically - if it had been a ‘normal’ shift she wouldn’t have hesitated - both she and Bernie knew that one of the risks of being a consultant surgeon on a trauma ward was that you could get a patient in the last few minutes of your shift that you had to stick with, so in some ways, it was a luxury to get such a case when there was still another five hours or so left on your shift.  But this hadn’t been a ‘normal’ shift for Bernie, for anyone on AAU really…

 

“I…”  Bernie looked at Alex, torn.  As a surgeon, she was ‘up for it’ - the shower and food had left her feeling refreshed and focussed, while Alex’s clear scan and GCS of 15 had meant she’d had a massive weight lifted from her shoulders, so she was therefore itching to operate.  But…

 

“What did you tell me?  The first time we spoke?” asked Alex, looking at Bernie proudly, “While we had those ridiculous photographs taken?” she prompted, unwittingly cluing Serena in to the moment as well, not knowing that she’d had some of the story explained to her a few weeks earlier.

 

“Soldier or civilian, enemy or ally, there’s a parent, sibling, child or lover that’s scared witless…”

 

“So?” prompted Alex quietly, seeing the moment when ‘Major Wolfe’ took over from ‘Bern’ and feeling a bubble of pride.

 

“So we stand up straight, shoulders back and do our best.”

* * *

 

 

Serena jerked her head at Raf, signalling they should step away from Alex’s bed so she could talk to him out of their way.  “Get Fletch clearing a theatre and rounding up the team… we’re taking this patient.... You’re assisting Ms Wolfe.”

 

“But…”  He’d not meant to keep Serena out of the case.

 

“No buts Mr di Lucca.  I’ll hold the fort here and let Mr Hanssen know.”

 

“Thanks Boss…” He turned back, seeing Bernie still held the file he’d managed to pull together when he’d wanted to bring something back to discuss with Serena.

 

“I’ll send her to the ED, without your file…” she promised, winking.

* * *

 

 

“You don’t mind?” asked Bernie, searching Alex’s face for any hints that she was putting on a brave front.

 

“Only if you stay…” Alex tucked a strand of still damp hair back into Bernie’s rough bun, “I love you.  And I won’t go anywhere.”

 

“Ok… Love you.”  And, with a quick kiss to Alex’s forehead, Bernie picked up the file and headed to join Raf and Serena who were talking to Fletch.

 

Alex watched as the four AAU staff had a quick discussion before Raf disappeared in one direction (presumably to the ED concluded Alex), Fletch sat down at the nurse’s station and started to make phone calls and Bernie… to Alex and Serena’s bemusement, Bernie headed for the AAU Consultant’s office, disappearing inside for a moment, before re-emerging and returning to Serena.  Seconds later, having given Serena something (what, Alex couldn’t see), Bernie was striding away in the direction Raf had gone in, putting her stethoscope around her neck as she walked, oblivious to Alex’s scrutiny.

 

“For you…” said Serena awkwardly, putting something in Alex’s lap.  “From Bernie…” she added unnecessarily when Alex looked down and saw an iPad and headphones, it obviously belonging to Bernie (even if Alex hadn’t immediately recognised it as belonging to her lover) based on the RAMC insignia decorating the case.

 

“Thanks…” Alex held onto the iPad so Serena could let go and go back to work, Alex more than content to amuse herself (in between snoozes) and tolerate the regular obs checks in reasonable humour whilst she waited for her own discharge and then Bernie.  “What?”

 

“Nothing, I should…”

 

“Ask me Serena,” instructed Alex firmly but kindly, “at worse I’ll tell you to mind your own business.”

 

“Umm…”  Recognising that, in spite of her recent head trauma, there was a fair bit of fire and fight in Dr Dawson, which Serena knew she shouldn’t really be surprised by given the woman had managed to tame and capture Bernie’s heart, Serena took a deep breath,  “I keep realising I have to apologise to her again.”

 

“Apologise to Bernie?” clarified Alex, having a pretty good idea what she was about to be asked, but not wanting to assume.

 

“Yes.”

 

“She’s not really interested in apologies you know.”

 

“I’ve noticed…”  Serena looked down at the blanket which was gathered in Alex’s lap and distractedly began to straighten it.  “She’s just…”

 

“Frustratingly straightforward?” suggested Alex, trying not to laugh at Serena’s look of surprise at her guess, partly because it would rude but mainly because she was tired and her head was starting to spin again.

 

“That’s one way of putting it…” agreed Serena, “I wasn’t going to be as diplomatic…”

 

“Neither was her CO, not at first…” reassured Alex, trying to convince Serena not to worry so much.  

 

“She always says she doesn’t care for politics…”

 

“She doesn’t.”

 

“But she then does things…”  Serena was confronted with a host of examples she could provide, “like an atriocaval shunt on her first day…”

 

“She was number 7?”

 

“She didn’t tell you?” asked Serena, not surprised that Alex had heard about the procedure being successful - for all Hanssen’s grumbling about her taking undue risks and not understanding her role as a ‘cog in the machine’, he’d been quick to get the operation written up and published, but then he was quite exceptional at knowing what was ‘best’ for Holby…

 

“We weren’t exactly on speaking terms then…” pointed out Alex dryly, deciding that was the better response than the alternative which was more along the lines of ‘you really think I want to talk surgery with her when I get her to myself?’.

 

“No, sorry…” Serena trailed off again, wondering how to broach the ‘elephant’ in the room.

 

“Has it occurred to you you’re crediting her too much?”

 

“What?”

 

“Bernie’s brilliant… she’s my best friend and I love her, so I know I’m going to be biased,” explained Alex, watching as Serena’s look of bemusement relaxed into one of slight amusement at her honest assessment, “and I’ll yell it from the rooftops longer and louder than anyone else because of that, but I’ll be the first one pointing out her faults too, for the same reasons.”

 

“I don’t…”

 

“She’s only tidy in two places - surgery and her kit bag.  Everywhere else?  She makes teenagers look organised…”

 

“Explains my office…” muttered Serena, smiling in spite of herself as, whilst she couldn’t attest to Bernie’s luggage packing skills, she had to say she was an incredibly neat surgeon.

 

“And she’s demanding of anyone on her team, or any team her team has to work with…” Alex paused to judge Serena’s reaction, which was muted.  “She’s the best teacher I’ve seen, but she’s also the meanest examiner...”

 

“She doesn’t pull her punches, certainly,” agreed Serena, remembering how Bernie had taken Serena elbowing her off that driving instructor with quiet dignity and hadn’t tried to score any points when Serena had crumbled in theatre, instead picking the right moment to highlight the scale of the disaster which had been away from patients and colleagues in the consultant’s office.  “But she doesn’t keep score…”

 

“Soldier or civilian, enemy or ally, stand up straight and do your best… that’s all she cares about.”

 

“But can she really not do politics?” asked Serena, struggling to believe it really was that straightforward but, after hearing Alex’s succinct summary, was wanting to believe that Bernie was that straightforward.  “I can’t believe the Army’s that different to an NHS Trust…”

 

“A combat zone has too much politics in it… that’s why she doesn’t do it.”  Alex felt herself tiring again, and struggled to hide her yawn.

 

“I’m sorry, some doctor I am…” Serena snapped out of her thoughtful daze and took in Alex’s drowsy blinking and slightly slumped position.  “Thank you.”

 

“Don’t mention it…” murmured Alex, smiling sleepily, “...really.   She hates being talked about like this…”

 

“I can imagine…” said Serena, belatedly noticing that rather than saying so out of politeness, she actually found herself believing it - Bernie would hate it if she found out they’d been talking about her like this, probably wondering why they were wasting their time on something so non-surgical.  She was about to comment as such, only to instead watch as Alex once again drifted off to sleep, so she instead cast a clinical eye over patient and monitors, pleased with what she was seeing.

 

Picking up her stack of paperwork, she set off across AAU to dump it in the office that she shared with Bernie...maybe she’d tidy it up now, before the inevitable rush hit just as Raf and Bernie went into theatre with that 19 year old.  It would only take 5 minutes and she’d feel better with a tidy office… not to mention if the office was tidy she’d notice when Bernie made a mess of it again… it would be a nice reminder that the surgeon wasn’t good at  _ everything... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GLOWWORM is my own invention, but I'm sure they'd have thought up something, after all.... every workplace has their own 'in jokes' and abbreviations that make perfect sense to them no matter how silly they sound. Use them often enough and when someone hears one for the first time, they just accept it and move on, without ever stopping to ask what it stands for.
> 
> You just can't beat a good TLA, or ELA in this case.... ;-)

**Author's Note:**

> If I've got something horrifically wrong in terms of something technical, please get in touch and I'll do my best to fix it!
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> With many thanks (as always) to darklioness82 for putting up with my ramblings and wonderings as I wrote this, and for letting me use her fic ideas with good grace and occasional prodding ;-)


End file.
